CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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