finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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