i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
