Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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