I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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