I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
