I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
