It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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