weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
