i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
