i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
