dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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