im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
