i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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