U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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