he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
