and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
