I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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