My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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