guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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