Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We don't watch enough power rangers
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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