worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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