She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
