after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need water and some morals
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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