oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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