I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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