Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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