he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
