now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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