I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
