If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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