I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
