There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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