No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
third nipple confirmed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
FUCK WHALES
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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