worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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