he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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