I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just found puke in my bra..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
