I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
