Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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