like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
