My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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