When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I understand Curling. That high.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
