Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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