I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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