I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
