I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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