i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
