I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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