after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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