you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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