Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
