Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i love accidental penises.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
