you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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