I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
