Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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