I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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