Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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