I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We have so much sex to catch up on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
