Bisexual people are plain selfish.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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