i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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