I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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