I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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