I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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