Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
