how can u be prego again
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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