I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize